do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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