Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
