I think my vagina is haunted
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
