so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
