Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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