My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
