tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
