Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
