HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
