I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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