pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
