I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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