sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
