my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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