i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
