the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
ttyl tear gas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
