THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i will never coherently bang her
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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