so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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