Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
