i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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