the day after is always just damage control
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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