U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
