When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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