Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
