Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
