Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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