Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
