12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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