I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
