made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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