hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
