ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
