I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
