Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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