Sponge bath it is.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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