he puts the penis in happiness.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
