why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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