member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
