ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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