theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
