I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
