STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
