In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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