I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
These tits shall not be calmed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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