I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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