...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
