Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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