I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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