dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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