Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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