so explain again why im purple
no
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
