Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
