Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
