Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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