marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please, let me fuck your mom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
