hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
